Time to empty my head again.
I opened the paper yesterday and saw reality. I grew up in a small city. If you didn't know everyone, you knew at least one person who knew or was related to the person you didn't know.
About two years ago, two young women went missing. Neither woman has been heard from since. Their stories are different but the facts remain there are two families out there that are hurting. I can't imagine the horror of not knowing where your child is. Both of these women have families that love them and miss them. My greatest wish is for closure for these families.
That being said, here is where I feel torn. In one of these cases, I know one of the men suspected in the disappearance. It is so hard to mesh the memories I have of this man and the horror they suspect him of. I realize that people change after high school but to change that much? I admit I have not spoken to him since high school and all the information I am getting now is pure hearsay. I understand there is a certain amount of drug use involved. I know drugs can change a person but Istill have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that a person I knew and liked could fall so far as to hurt a human being like that.
I am glad I have finally completed my course. It was strange walking past the missing posters, turning the corner and walking past the place I last spoke to the person suspected of hurting her. I hope and pray that this former classmate of mine is eventually cleared of any wrongdoing and these women
are finally brought home to their families.
I am begining my journey into unemployment. After running a daycare for years, I have completed my course to be a Special Ed teacher's aide. It was a long haul and I am happy to say I have officially graduated with honors. In order to be ready to work in a school in September, I had to close my daycare. Even though all the parents knew I had been working toward this, I guess they thought I would never actually be done. I gave them three months notice that I was shutting down. They were still really pissed off at me. That in turn, pissed me off. I am tired of chasing people down for money. I am tired of bounced checks. I am tired of bratty kids and I am tired of people cancelling on me at the last moment or just not showing up at all. I am done. I told them all I would stay on until the end of August but since most of them were mad anyway, they are all done now. Except one. They would have stayed on but his business closed down so he isn;'t working now anyway. I will admit I am terrified of being unemployed. Unemployed means no income. I am not guaranteed a job in Sept. I am not sure what I will do if I don't get on in a school by Oct. I am trying not to panic. I feel this is the right move and God will take care of me. At one point I was considering forgetting working in a school and was going to apply for a full time job as a manger of Blockbuster I saw advertised. I was unsure of what to do. Then my lovely neighbourhood Jehovah Witness ladies came to the door. They come faithfully every month. I have no intention of changing religion but they are too sweet to slam the door on. The magazine of the month had a feature article about dealing with unemployment. I was starting to think that might be a sign that I should just wait for Sept. Still unsure, I heard the mail being dropped off. Since I fully expected the monthly bills to start arriving, I asked God. If there are no bills in the mail, I will take that as a sign I should just be patient and wait until Sept. Sure enough there were no bills. So I guess I will wait until Sept to worry about a job. I have always worried about asking God for a sign of something. Mostly because I am concerned I am a little too stupid to catch the sign. I need something to slap me in the face not something subtle. For now, I am taking it as a sign from God. That doesn't mean I don't worry obsessively about money and paying the bills because I do. I am just trying to stay optimistic.
I have a friend who took her dog to the lake with her. He is a very active puppy. She thought it would be nice to take the dog for a boat ride with them. The puppy had never been on a boat before. The puppy jumped off the boat and was hurt. It is very serious. I feel for her. I know her heart is broken. I wish I could fix that for her but I can't. Now I am getting emails from a friend of hers. These emails are asking me for money to help out with the vet bills. I am unemployed with three kids to feed. I can't afford to pay for someone else's pet. I ignored the first couple of emails. Now the emails are coming in telling me that the friend of ours has paid her vet bill. Good for her. However, now the emails are telling me how I can go to our local Pets 101 store and donate money to the fund they set up for her there. OOkkkaayyy. Let's see if I understand this. The vet bills are paid, she has a job that pays better than any job I ever had and I am still expected to give her money? I don't think so. I wish I could but unless my lottery ticket comes in, that is not likely. I am not sure what to do though. Do I call up my friend and explain to her that I just can't afford to give her money (she is well aware that I am not working) or do I just ignore the emails and make it look like I am just a bitch. I have no idea what to do.
There I now have an Empty Head again..