Monday, November 29, 2010
TRANSLATING THE ADS
After spending many hours searching (read dreaming) through the real estate listings, I think I have finally translated them. It is all about reading between the lines.
Here is a sample of commonly used words in the ads and my translation.
CUTE/COZY: Or any other combination/synomym of these words mean the place is not much bigger than living in your car. It is a suitable size for one small elderly lady and her pet bird. As long as they don't want to move at the same time
NEWLY RENOVATED: They slapped a fresh coat of paint over the mold before you arrived
SAFE NEIGHBOURHOOD: Last week the police raided the crack house next door and they haven't made bail yet.
QUIET NEIGHBOURHOOD: SEE: Safe Neighbourhood or else it means you are next to a cemetary
ACROSS/NEAR GREENSPACE: The neighbour only cuts their grass once a year.
APPLIANCES INCLUDED: We were too lazy to move them and they only work part of the time. They are your problem now.
NEUTRAL DECOR: I hope you like white
DRY BASEMENT: It is today as long as it hasn't rained or the spring melt hasn't started yet.
HEATED/ INSULATED/AIR CONDITIONED GARAGE: The Mother In Law lives there.
ORIGINAL HARDWOOD FLOOR: The house is uneven
ORIGINAL OWNER: Nothing has been done to the place since they moved in the house.
HANDYMAN SPECIAL: Be carefull where you step you might fall through the hole in the floor.
NEWER AIR CONDITIONING: Bullet holes or broken windows.
ALARM SYSTEM INCLUDED: If you don't already own a guard dog or gun you better get one to live in this neighbourhood.
QUICK POSSESION: I need to leave town today or I know the roof is going to collapse and I want out before it does or jail sentence starts next week and I need money to pay for a new lawyer.
CLOSE TO SHOPPING: Above the store
CLOSE TO TRANSPORTATION: Next to the train station or bus station
CLOSE TO WATER: Leaky roof/ basement or flooded lake
Last but not least
OPEN CONCEPT: Someone stole the doors.